Dreams

So now that I have had some time off school and my brain is actually allowed to think about things other than assignments and papers and homework, I have had a chance to really think about what I want to do.

I have struggled really hard with what I want to "be when I grow up" and while I am sure it will always be a challenge I feel like I at least have a an idea now. I will graduate in December with a bachelors degree (finally!) and then will be left to figure out what I want to do from there.

My long term goal is midwifery. I love birth. I believe in birth. Being around new moms and new little babies is truly amazing. I had thought about possible doula work before I train for midwifery but came to the conclusion that it just won't work until my kids are a bit older. Right now if I had a client call at noon that was in labor, I would have nothing to do with my kids and I couldn't be a very effective doula with my children running about.

I still want to be around babies and new moms, and I know/knew quite a bit about breastfeeding, so I am looking into a way to possibly become a lactation consultant. In my *ideal* world I would set up an office in my home and schedule clients around *my* schedule as well. My husband is very supportive of whatever it is that I might be able to do for work that still allows me to be home for snow days, and sick days, and vacations etc so I am lucky that he is willing to see me through that stuff. First of course I need to find the right path to becoming a LC. If I do that I could even do post postpartum doula work as that usually doesn't need to be done at a specific time, you can schedule appointments for that instead.

I sit here at 25 years old and feel so excited about what the future might hold, but need to figure out how to get to the end result. I am thrilled at the idea of doing something I *love* for work rather than just working to work.

Here is to the future!

I am here!

I promise I am still around and plan on writing. It has been a crazy semester and we are finally coming down to the wire. Everything is due by May 18th at the *latest* so I will be done before then. My *goal* is to have all the work done by May 1. My "big" projects I had left for the semester as as follows (the stuff bolded is stuff I finished during break week last week):

Things I can do during vacation:
4 writings for weekly papersPOG
4 weekly questions POG
Final paper S&I
Final Exam POG
10 page paper PC
Cemetery Assignment AOD
Persuasion Essay RE (cloth diapers)
Slides for ads & radio PC

I have the ability to do the cemetery assignment and the final exam now, I just need to find the time...I also could do the 10 page paper but I gotta figure out an outline or something beacuse 10 pages is a lot of pages.

Death everywhere.

Forewarning, this is not going to be a happy post. Today I am hurting.

It of course started with my Grandfathers passing in February. That I handled okay. He was 88 years old he had a long life and the last years of his life were filled with confusion and pain for him as he suffered from Alzheimers.

I had started to get over that and I noticed on a friends page the story of Layla Grace (Don't read that page if you can't handle very sad cancer things and small children). She is a little girl in Texas that is at the end of a losing battle with cancer. She is 2 years old and has never known much other than pain and chemo and cancer. It hurts my heart on a serious level to hear about it yet I can't stop following her updates on twitter. I think it hits me especially hard because of Ivy being nearly the same age but in either case no child deserves cancer and no parent deserves to watch their child have to die such a hard death.

Then there is a friend from high school. I lost touch with him years ago as I did most people from high school when I moved up here. He too is losing his battle with cancer. His wife also just had a little boy in late February and they have a 2.5 year old little boy too. I want to visit but I wouldn't even know where to start. We hadn't been in touch for a long time but we were good friends for awhile in 7th grade and threw until I left my hometown. Of course, as a parent, it hurts me so much to think that he is sitting in the hospital missing what little of his childrens lives he will be around for.

Then, after all that, I find out the dog that we tried to own, the great dane, is at a rescue because whatever home he went to after us didn't work. I also find out that the poor thing has a fatal heart defect. So now he doesn't have a family and there is no saying when he might die, could be any time. I briefly thought about trying to take him back but I know we can't. Ivy just won't have it and I haven't got the time to continually peel Ivy off of me to do homework. She was *not* okay with him being here. At all. I loved that dog though and he is a perfect pup.

So that is my pity party for today. It is just a lot to handle all at once in addition to the 2 kids and the 5 classes (one of course, about death).

I am physically and mentally exhausted and could really use a couple weeks to sleep, but of course, I don't get to even if I want to......

Word EXPLOSION and Imagination Enters

So Ivy, all of a sudden, has gotten a whole mess of new words. Some of these words include: beef, spices, ice, peacock (?!), Barbagee (Aaron), whoa, on, and off. There are others and they just keep coming!! It was pretty funny because she didn't say a whole lot of things for awhile but clearly understood EVERYTHING being said then all of a sudden BAM! She has a bunch of words. It is so great to see her learning and being SO excited that she can really talk now.

And Aaron...oh that little boy. He has recently grown quite an imagination. He has always been creative but he has lots of imagination in there now. Today while we were playing outside he was chasing "Moon Dragons". When asked what color they were and where they were he said they were white and way up high. He was running around like CRAZY "chasing" these Moon Dragons. He does stuff like that all the time now and its so funny to see because he gets so excited.

I *love* these children. They are so fun and wonderful.

Where are we now?

Like the show on VH1 "Child Stars Where are They Now?" Haha.

I have been insanely busy with school. I am not sure what I was thinking taking 5 classes online with 2 young kids, and a house on the market. I am pretty sure that was 100% crazy.

So far it seems the month of February hasn't been so great. First my grandfather passed. Then the day after when I was supposed to visit family and help them out I ended up with a nasty stomach bug (the children only mildly affected). Then of course I had the funeral.

Finally started to recover from all of that and started to catch up on school work then out of nowhere last Wednesday I check on Aaron and noticed he was REALLY hot. Turns out he had a fever of 103. The fever lingered for a couple days with no other issues but a headache. In the mean time Ivy ended up with the fever too, though not as high.

Then came the hacking junky cough and the stuffy nose and the general crappy feeling I guess. Aaron is just now starting to feel better. I could tell tonight things were going better for him because he was running around trying to get into trouble etc. Ivy however was still in the thick of it today so I am hoping she is back to about 75% tomorrow and Aaron is back to 100%.

I have been doing what I can to stay caught up with school but its kinda hard! I should be caught up after tomorrow when my sister in law comes to watch the kids. She however is pretty stressed out with her own class schedule so instead of the 3 hours she normally stays, tomorrow she will only be here for as long as it takes me to get my paper(s) done that I need to do. I have at least one paper to do. I need to: Discuss the identity of the middle-class housewife.

Thrilling right?

Anyway that is my little update and I am hoping to get a little bit of a breather as next weeks a vacation week on campus so one of my classes has no work due and the other of my classes only has a movie review due. So I will only have 3 classes that are full course load next week.

So excited for spring. I hope it gets sunny and warm soon!

Things I thought I would never hear

From my mouth:

Keep your spit in your mouth
Leave the pee in the potty
Good try Ivy but the CD doesn't go in the blu-ray player
Yes you can watch a little TV
Come on buddy, get your PJs off and your day clothes on, we gotta go...
Ivy please get down from the kitchen, it isn't safe (I say this one a lot)
Yes you can have a lollipop but first you have to let Mama finish at the post office


From Aaron's mouth:

Ivy you are my husband
Burp Burp Burp Burp Burp (the word not the action...while at the post office trying to fill out a customs form)
But Mama I wanna eat my veggies first (surely not my child...)
I don't WANNA go outside


There are more from each but those are the most recent I can think of!

Quick update

Kids are growing and getting bigger. More and more fun to play with everyday. Ivy is growing into quite the little drama queen trying to get her brother in trouble when he is across the room and not doing anything "bad".

Aaron has really taken to holiday craft/ baking stuff. He loved the gingerbread house and making stained glass cookies with Pete, Ivy, and I.

I have finished fall semester with an A, A-, and B+. Next semester (starting January 18th) I am registered for 15 credits which may well be insane. When I was living on campus and with no kids I took 19 credits....now I am taking 15 with two kids home full time plus the cats and husband and house etc. Anyone that manages to find a way to actually visit me between now and May had better not expect a clean house or empty sink because it is likely housework will fall to the wayside.

I am almost done knitting my last Christmas present (for Ivy). I have to wrap them all up but getting there...hoping I can finish Ivy's hat tonight but we will see. I only have about 3" done on a like 10 inch hat but it will be super cute so its totally worth it and its mindless stockinette stitch so its super easy to do while watching TV etc.

To anyone that still reads my sad attempt at a blog, Merry Christmas!