Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Death everywhere.

Forewarning, this is not going to be a happy post. Today I am hurting.

It of course started with my Grandfathers passing in February. That I handled okay. He was 88 years old he had a long life and the last years of his life were filled with confusion and pain for him as he suffered from Alzheimers.

I had started to get over that and I noticed on a friends page the story of Layla Grace (Don't read that page if you can't handle very sad cancer things and small children). She is a little girl in Texas that is at the end of a losing battle with cancer. She is 2 years old and has never known much other than pain and chemo and cancer. It hurts my heart on a serious level to hear about it yet I can't stop following her updates on twitter. I think it hits me especially hard because of Ivy being nearly the same age but in either case no child deserves cancer and no parent deserves to watch their child have to die such a hard death.

Then there is a friend from high school. I lost touch with him years ago as I did most people from high school when I moved up here. He too is losing his battle with cancer. His wife also just had a little boy in late February and they have a 2.5 year old little boy too. I want to visit but I wouldn't even know where to start. We hadn't been in touch for a long time but we were good friends for awhile in 7th grade and threw until I left my hometown. Of course, as a parent, it hurts me so much to think that he is sitting in the hospital missing what little of his childrens lives he will be around for.

Then, after all that, I find out the dog that we tried to own, the great dane, is at a rescue because whatever home he went to after us didn't work. I also find out that the poor thing has a fatal heart defect. So now he doesn't have a family and there is no saying when he might die, could be any time. I briefly thought about trying to take him back but I know we can't. Ivy just won't have it and I haven't got the time to continually peel Ivy off of me to do homework. She was *not* okay with him being here. At all. I loved that dog though and he is a perfect pup.

So that is my pity party for today. It is just a lot to handle all at once in addition to the 2 kids and the 5 classes (one of course, about death).

I am physically and mentally exhausted and could really use a couple weeks to sleep, but of course, I don't get to even if I want to......


Sandy Alexander said...

You are hurting. There's a lot going on in your mind right now, and I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I truly believe that we only play a small hand in shaping our destiny, and what's meant to be will happen...But thast doesn't make it hurt less.
I hope you will find a way to reconnect with your old childhood friend. It might be daunting or uncomfortable or inconvenient... but it will mean a lot to himand his family, and you will sleep better at nigth for having followed through. Good luck,sweetie! Thinking of you-

lanie said...

I'm sorry Shannon. :( I'm a firm believer in balance in the universe and I find that times when I feel like I'm just surrounded by sadness and tragedy and suffering I eventually find that there are beautiful and good things happening at the same time. Sometimes it just takes too long for those good things to be visible and I have to trudge through the poop. Spring is so close! xoxo