Just Keep Swimming...

A Too Much Information Post.

2010-09-17T05:41:00.000-07:00

So ever since I was a little kid I remember having a nervous stomach. It got better when I got older, at least most of the time. That was until I had kids. It seems birthing children broke something in my guts and now I have IBS. This doesn't come as a huge shock since just about everyone in my family has stomach troubles but of course this was one I was hoping would skip me.

Now why would this be a big deal? The main reason is because anytime I leave the house I worry about needing a bathroom and in turn the worrying upsets my stress induced stomach. It is a horrible cycle but I am beyond knowing how to break the cycle.

It also means I have a hard time going out and meeting friends. Sometimes even seeing my best friends makes my stomach go nuts because it is a social situation and I am very easily stressed by that. I guess you could say I am painfully shy.

I am sitting here now getting ready to meet a friend IRL for the first time. I have been talking to her for nearly 5 years and we were pregnant at the same time with our firsts and I have been dealing with a horrible stomach all morning. I have no *real* reason to be nervous. I know she is a good person, I know she has similar stomach trouble, I know she is likely the last person in the world that would ever judge me, but still, Imodium and I have been best buddies this morning.

I have been to the doctors of course but there is nothing that can really be done. I can take anti-anxiety meds but those would just make me sleepy and a sleepy mom doesn't take care of kids so well.

So until I figure out how to fix it, I stay at home an awful lot, way more than I ever want to.

Feeling like parenting failure

2010-08-01T17:13:00.001-07:00

My son is 4. I love him dearly. Most things go fine around here but one area that I feel like I really suck at is finding him friends his age.

In our area it seems as though all 4 year olds are in preschool, which is something that we can't afford right now as we have to pay a sitter to come in 2 days a week to watch *both* the kids so I can do school work. Also things around here are *expensive*. I went looking around. There is one thats $35 a day but it is also 18 3-5 year olds in a basement with no windows...uh, no, not gonna happen. Then there is one that is 9 hours a week (3 days of 3 hours a day) for $265 a month. So those are pretty much it without trying to get into a program with the local Y which would be way less than ideal as one location has no parking so I would be trudging downtown with both kids in January. Ugh. Or the other location which is about 40 mins from my house and only runs 3 hours at a time so there wouldn't be any point in coming home with Ivy once we were done dropping off Aaron...and what on earth would I do with just Ivy in that town for 3 hours?? There is a serious lack of indoor stuff here in the winter.

I have tried meeting other parents at the park but there are problems with this. One is that Aaron doesn't hang out and PLAY with people at the park...he is busy running etc. The second problem is that I am busy running left for Ivy and right for Aaron and can't manage to try to strike up a conversation with a parent even if I managed to find the guts to *Talk* to someone I didn't know out of the blue.

We have tried local story times etc but there are either very few attendees or the ones that come all have younger kids. Same story with our local meetup.

I would try to post something on craigslist but 1. you never know who you are gonna find that way and 2. I wouldn't even know what to post it under.

I am just out of ways to figure out how to get some age appropriate friends for Aaron and it makes me sad. I grew up with few friends and still have very few friends, I can think of a whole two that I am close with and see regularly, if my son wants more than that and wants to be social, I want to help facilitate that....but I am running out of ideas!!

Sugar Countdown

2010-07-31T16:43:00.000-07:00

I have needed to do this for awhile now. A long while. I am trying to kick the sugar. I am still eating carbs but I am trying to cut out most of the added sugars. I also can't have any "fake" or artificial sugars (stevia etc as well) because of unpleasant digestive side effects.

I am on day 3 now. I have a few problems with it though, mostly that I am not a big veggie fan. I routinely eat red peppers, sweet potato, potato, corn, and peas. I do have others on occasion but not that often. I admit it, I am flawed.

The first day I did this I hadn't planned on it so my sugar was still higher than I would have liked but I wasn't able to make it to the store etc.

I have been writing down everything I eat and the "sugar" part from the nutrition facts. I realize there are more carbs etc but I might eventually get to the point of chilling out on those but I am working slowly.

Day one (umprepared) was:

Coffee with creamer - 10 grams sugar
1 dark chocolate n oats granola bar (not a pack, just a bar) - 6 grams sugar
PB&J on Wheat - 22 grams of sugar
PB Pretzels - 2 grams sugar
Chocolate soymilk (I need soymilk for other reasons but will be switching to something unsweetened when the chocolate runs out) - 19 grams sugar
1 piece white sauce lasagna with spinach and whole wheat pasta - 3 grams sugar
1 mentos - no idea…maybe a gram??

Total added sugar intake: 63 grams

Day Two:

oatmeal 5 grams of sugar
Cashews 2 grams of sugar
Quisadilla 1 gram of sugar
granola bar 6 grams of sugar
fries 2 grams of sugar
veggie chicken nuggets 2 grams of sugar

Total added sugar intake: 18 grams

Day Three:

coffee - 6 grams of sugar
grilled cheese (on yeast free/ sugar free bread) 0 grams sugar
Potato chips - 0 grams sugar
hotdog on a roll - 5 grams sugar
corn on the cob - 0 grams sugar (I know its carbs, right now I am limiting added sugar)
1 small cookie (I made cookies because hubby was bugging me alllll day so I let myself have ONE) - 13 grams of sugar

Total added sugar intake: 24 grams

For me the biggest hurdle was the coke. I LOVE my coke in the afternoon. I have been having one everyday for at least 8 years now. It is a hard habit to break and of course I was addicted to the caffeine.

I replaced this with flavored seltzer (raspberry lime) with no sugar and no artificial sweeteners.

So far I have noticed some changes that I didn't expect. My mood seems to have stabilized a bit, which is amazing. My 4 year old is forever doing bad things, always bad things, and for a long time I would freak out and my BP would rise and I would have a horrible time keeping my calm.

I noticed even yesterday and moreso today that he is still doing all the same ridiculous things that he shouldn't do and I get annoyed...but I dont feel like strangling him because of it. You wouldn't think that sugar would cause such a difference, but it really does.

Dreams

2010-05-25T07:35:00.000-07:00

So now that I have had some time off school and my brain is actually allowed to think about things other than assignments and papers and homework, I have had a chance to really think about what I want to do.

I have struggled really hard with what I want to "be when I grow up" and while I am sure it will always be a challenge I feel like I at least have a an idea now. I will graduate in December with a bachelors degree (finally!) and then will be left to figure out what I want to do from there.

My long term goal is midwifery. I love birth. I believe in birth. Being around new moms and new little babies is truly amazing. I had thought about possible doula work before I train for midwifery but came to the conclusion that it just won't work until my kids are a bit older. Right now if I had a client call at noon that was in labor, I would have nothing to do with my kids and I couldn't be a very effective doula with my children running about.

I still want to be around babies and new moms, and I know/knew quite a bit about breastfeeding, so I am looking into a way to possibly become a lactation consultant. In my *ideal* world I would set up an office in my home and schedule clients around *my* schedule as well. My husband is very supportive of whatever it is that I might be able to do for work that still allows me to be home for snow days, and sick days, and vacations etc so I am lucky that he is willing to see me through that stuff. First of course I need to find the right path to becoming a LC. If I do that I could even do post postpartum doula work as that usually doesn't need to be done at a specific time, you can schedule appointments for that instead.

I sit here at 25 years old and feel so excited about what the future might hold, but need to figure out how to get to the end result. I am thrilled at the idea of doing something I *love* for work rather than just working to work.

Here is to the future!

I am here!

2010-04-12T09:30:00.001-07:00

I promise I am still around and plan on writing. It has been a crazy semester and we are finally coming down to the wire. Everything is due by May 18th at the *latest* so I will be done before then. My *goal* is to have all the work done by May 1. My "big" projects I had left for the semester as as follows (the stuff bolded is stuff I finished during break week last week):

Things I can do during vacation:
4 writings for weekly papersPOG
4 weekly questions POG
Final paper S&I
Final Exam POG
10 page paper PC
Cemetery Assignment AOD
Persuasion Essay RE (cloth diapers)
Slides for ads & radio PC

I have the ability to do the cemetery assignment and the final exam now, I just need to find the time...I also could do the 10 page paper but I gotta figure out an outline or something beacuse 10 pages is a lot of pages.

Death everywhere.

2010-03-03T20:00:00.000-08:00

Forewarning, this is not going to be a happy post. Today I am hurting.

It of course started with my Grandfathers passing in February. That I handled okay. He was 88 years old he had a long life and the last years of his life were filled with confusion and pain for him as he suffered from Alzheimers.

I had started to get over that and I noticed on a friends page the story of Layla Grace (Don't read that page if you can't handle very sad cancer things and small children). She is a little girl in Texas that is at the end of a losing battle with cancer. She is 2 years old and has never known much other than pain and chemo and cancer. It hurts my heart on a serious level to hear about it yet I can't stop following her updates on twitter. I think it hits me especially hard because of Ivy being nearly the same age but in either case no child deserves cancer and no parent deserves to watch their child have to die such a hard death.

Then there is a friend from high school. I lost touch with him years ago as I did most people from high school when I moved up here. He too is losing his battle with cancer. His wife also just had a little boy in late February and they have a 2.5 year old little boy too. I want to visit but I wouldn't even know where to start. We hadn't been in touch for a long time but we were good friends for awhile in 7th grade and threw until I left my hometown. Of course, as a parent, it hurts me so much to think that he is sitting in the hospital missing what little of his childrens lives he will be around for.

Then, after all that, I find out the dog that we tried to own, the great dane, is at a rescue because whatever home he went to after us didn't work. I also find out that the poor thing has a fatal heart defect. So now he doesn't have a family and there is no saying when he might die, could be any time. I briefly thought about trying to take him back but I know we can't. Ivy just won't have it and I haven't got the time to continually peel Ivy off of me to do homework. She was *not* okay with him being here. At all. I loved that dog though and he is a perfect pup.

So that is my pity party for today. It is just a lot to handle all at once in addition to the 2 kids and the 5 classes (one of course, about death).

I am physically and mentally exhausted and could really use a couple weeks to sleep, but of course, I don't get to even if I want to......

Word EXPLOSION and Imagination Enters

2010-02-22T17:11:00.000-08:00

So Ivy, all of a sudden, has gotten a whole mess of new words. Some of these words include: beef, spices, ice, peacock (?!), Barbagee (Aaron), whoa, on, and off. There are others and they just keep coming!! It was pretty funny because she didn't say a whole lot of things for awhile but clearly understood EVERYTHING being said then all of a sudden BAM! She has a bunch of words. It is so great to see her learning and being SO excited that she can really talk now.

And Aaron...oh that little boy. He has recently grown quite an imagination. He has always been creative but he has lots of imagination in there now. Today while we were playing outside he was chasing "Moon Dragons". When asked what color they were and where they were he said they were white and way up high. He was running around like CRAZY "chasing" these Moon Dragons. He does stuff like that all the time now and its so funny to see because he gets so excited.

I *love* these children. They are so fun and wonderful.

Where are we now?

2010-02-16T18:16:00.000-08:00

Like the show on VH1 "Child Stars Where are They Now?" Haha.

I have been insanely busy with school. I am not sure what I was thinking taking 5 classes online with 2 young kids, and a house on the market. I am pretty sure that was 100% crazy.

So far it seems the month of February hasn't been so great. First my grandfather passed. Then the day after when I was supposed to visit family and help them out I ended up with a nasty stomach bug (the children only mildly affected). Then of course I had the funeral.

Finally started to recover from all of that and started to catch up on school work then out of nowhere last Wednesday I check on Aaron and noticed he was REALLY hot. Turns out he had a fever of 103. The fever lingered for a couple days with no other issues but a headache. In the mean time Ivy ended up with the fever too, though not as high.

Then came the hacking junky cough and the stuffy nose and the general crappy feeling I guess. Aaron is just now starting to feel better. I could tell tonight things were going better for him because he was running around trying to get into trouble etc. Ivy however was still in the thick of it today so I am hoping she is back to about 75% tomorrow and Aaron is back to 100%.

I have been doing what I can to stay caught up with school but its kinda hard! I should be caught up after tomorrow when my sister in law comes to watch the kids. She however is pretty stressed out with her own class schedule so instead of the 3 hours she normally stays, tomorrow she will only be here for as long as it takes me to get my paper(s) done that I need to do. I have at least one paper to do. I need to: Discuss the identity of the middle-class housewife.

Thrilling right?

Anyway that is my little update and I am hoping to get a little bit of a breather as next weeks a vacation week on campus so one of my classes has no work due and the other of my classes only has a movie review due. So I will only have 3 classes that are full course load next week.

So excited for spring. I hope it gets sunny and warm soon!

Things I thought I would never hear

2010-02-02T16:40:00.001-08:00

From my mouth:

Keep your spit in your mouth
Leave the pee in the potty
Good try Ivy but the CD doesn't go in the blu-ray player
Yes you can watch a little TV
Come on buddy, get your PJs off and your day clothes on, we gotta go...
Ivy please get down from the kitchen, it isn't safe (I say this one a lot)
Yes you can have a lollipop but first you have to let Mama finish at the post office

From Aaron's mouth:

Ivy you are my husband
Burp Burp Burp Burp Burp (the word not the action...while at the post office trying to fill out a customs form)
But Mama I wanna eat my veggies first (surely not my child...)
I don't WANNA go outside

There are more from each but those are the most recent I can think of!

Quick update

2009-12-22T13:32:00.001-08:00

Kids are growing and getting bigger. More and more fun to play with everyday. Ivy is growing into quite the little drama queen trying to get her brother in trouble when he is across the room and not doing anything "bad".

Aaron has really taken to holiday craft/ baking stuff. He loved the gingerbread house and making stained glass cookies with Pete, Ivy, and I.

I have finished fall semester with an A, A-, and B+. Next semester (starting January 18th) I am registered for 15 credits which may well be insane. When I was living on campus and with no kids I took 19 credits....now I am taking 15 with two kids home full time plus the cats and husband and house etc. Anyone that manages to find a way to actually visit me between now and May had better not expect a clean house or empty sink because it is likely housework will fall to the wayside.

I am almost done knitting my last Christmas present (for Ivy). I have to wrap them all up but getting there...hoping I can finish Ivy's hat tonight but we will see. I only have about 3" done on a like 10 inch hat but it will be super cute so its totally worth it and its mindless stockinette stitch so its super easy to do while watching TV etc.

To anyone that still reads my sad attempt at a blog, Merry Christmas!

Sometimes suprises happen

2009-10-29T20:04:00.000-07:00

No, I am not pregnant!

Today started out normal like any other day.

Early in the afternoon I started to get that writing "bug" the one that makes me want to write a whole book, now. Of course I had nothing sitting in my head to write ABOUT. When I do write my book I want it to be profound, at least for me, additional bonus if the readers find the same thing. It is a rather lofty goal to think of writing a book, taking 9 credits, raising 2 kids and 2 cats, and running my house all while being a wife.

By the end of the day I am knee-deep into writing a children's book. A book that might have some potential even. I hadn't even considered it until about 8pm...and now its 11pm and I have just about all the story thought out, just need to write it all out.

I also have an illustrator that is very excited to be working on such a thing and is starting a draft of what the main character is going to look like.

How strange how things come out of nowhere sometimes!

First time Finger painting!

2009-10-22T15:23:00.000-07:00

Now...let it be known...I don't handle messy things very well. Everyday mess, fine, animal mess, fine....un-needed mess...not so okay with. Today however I decided to try and step outside my bubble and let the kids try finger painting. Ivy was hesitant at first and only took *one* time of me telling her we don't eat the paint, we put it on the paper...which was impressive.

Here are some pics! They had a lot of fun!

Bit of a "woman rant"

2009-09-10T16:43:00.001-07:00

Now this is not against men really but its probably not something they will want to read either. Fair warning.

That disclaimer aside I am 99% sure men would die if they were women and had to deal with what we do on a monthly basis. First there is of course mid-cycle where a woman is fertile. Now, you would imagine, this would be a fun time right? Yea, not for everyone. Some of us lucky people get pretty tough pain in our abdomen, some of us also get really nauseous, and some of us get "other trouble" with our stomachs. Sounds like a blast right? I am confident my husband would be curled up in a ball if he dealt with that alone.

Then 10-14 days later comes the other fun part. Not even taking into account the actual event there are the mood swings, the cramps, again with the nausea. We get cranky and exhausted and mostly feel like laying in bed all day, but do we? Of course not. We all know the house would fall apart and the kids would end up playing with Windex or something. So we tough it out, we deal with it all the while knowing it all all start over again in the middle of the next cycle.

Of course, men also like to make light of the whole thing. Midcycle its not uncommon to hear someone laughing as the children bounce on my stomach, I can tell you, that does NOT feel good...much less funny. Every time it happens, I hope against hope that maybe someday he could have just a *slight* idea of what it feels like, even if it were only for a few moments.

*sigh*

Still here...

2009-08-30T18:15:00.000-07:00

Yep...still here. About to be CRAZY busy with 3 classes, 2 kids, 2 cats, a husband, and a house to run...should be FUN!

I have a post coming at some point about natural family planning but that will have to wait for a night when my brain still functions. In the mean time if you are bored you can look it up. :-)

Ivy now knows how to show me where her ears, eyes, hands, mouth, hair, nose, and belly button are. She is learning SO quickly.

Aaron is also working pretty hard on words. The only two he has down are "Aaron" and "cat" but he is getting there!

Ugh

2009-08-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

Note to self: before next summer get AC. It is currently 85 and climbing INSIDE the house and it is 89, just about 90 with a heat index of 98 outside...

A UV level of 9 means my little lobster baby can't go in the sun no matter the level of sunblock so no pool for us! We need an awning and/or an AC next year!

Thoughts for the week

2009-07-27T18:27:00.000-07:00

So not much has happened in the last few weeks but it feels like time is just flying by. Ivy is growing more and learning SO much everyday it always amazes me. Aaron is in a totally new phase of development and we are starting to teach him the way to do 911 and when is the right time to call etc. It makes him feel important and it helps me feel more secure home with the kids all the time. He is my smart little man and catches onto things so quickly.

I have been trying to focus more on enjoying each day because of how fast the time goes. I sit and realize that it is almost August. August is the last real month of "summer" and it is amazing how fast the summer went. I am looking forward to fall but I also know that when the fall hits I go back to school and it means even more time that I am trying to juggle with the kids and housework and learning too.

Going back to school makes me nervous but it also makes me excited. I should only need 3 semesters to get it done which is even more exciting than most people can realize. I have been working so long and so hard to try and get my bachelors and it is so close and within my reach. It will be a LOT of work and more work than I ever thought it would be now with two kiddos but it will be worth it.

Not sure what else to say. I have plenty left to say I suppose but none of which I guess I want on my blog forever in the digital world. Just looking forward to the fall while still trying to really enjoy each day this summer with the kids.

Things I never considered about being a mom

2009-07-11T17:30:00.000-07:00

So these are things that I suppose at some level I knew but never really truly considered when it came to motherhood.

1. Everyday I have at least SOME bodily fluid on me that isn't my own, usually more than once.

2. Diapers would become higher on my priority list to wash than clothes.

3. Toys would become the centerpiece on my coffee table.

4. I would deal with tantrums everyday, and learn how to handle them effectively.

5. That a smile could come on my face at 3am when I am awaken by either child, only to find a grinning beast staring at me from their bed.

6. That "How Does a Dinosaur Say Goodnight" would become the most read book in my house.

7. That every morning I would be greeted by two very happy little creatures that are just excited to see *me*.

8. That having two people depend on me 100% for everything could be such a rewarding experience.

9. How big little arms can feel when they give Bear hugs.

10. The simple enjoyment of sitting on the couch talking with two little people and cuddling.

Dreary days etc

2009-07-08T17:12:00.000-07:00

So the last week has been pretty rough with the weather. We got ONE warm sunny day. The rest of the days have been rainy and cold, example, today was 58 and raining...in July. While I realize I am in VT I am not really prepared for 20+ degrees below seasonal average....for a week +.

Oddly enough the kids have managed all right. They seem to be great at playing together most of the time and today I took out the duplos before lunch and they played together nicely for 45 minutes and only stopped because I had lunch ready and it was time to eat.

We also had an activity to do this afternoon as one of our friends brought Aaron over a birthday gift, a little crocodile that you put stickers on and glue together that is also a clock. Aaron was VERY excited to make the clock and did a great job with the stickers.

We are also trying to see if A can be a "big boy" at night now. I put him in a pull up and we talked about using the potty tonight etc etc and how if he keeps the pull up dry for 3 nights in a row he can wear underpants to bed and if he keeps his pull ups dry he can put a sticker on a calender in the AM. He seems VERY excited about it and I am crossing my fingers but the boy sleeps like a log so I am not sure he will wake up to pee or not...I always go in around 11 to give him water so I will ask him then if he has to pee...remind him what is going on etc.

Three years ago

2009-06-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

Three years ago I was anxiously awaiting your arrival. See the doctors told me when you were going to be born so I knew the next day I would have you in my arms. I was very nervous but very excited too.

You were my first babe and I had no idea what to expect which worked out well because you were just a baby and didn't know what to expect either, so we learned together.

After 12 hours of working to get you born, you joined your Dada and I in my arms. Honestly the first few moments after you were born are such a blur, even the day after I didn't remember a whole lot about those first few moments. What I do remember is looking at your fingers and thinking that there were too many of them, turns out they were just really long. Still are.

You were born with a full head of hair that you never lost.

My favorite moments from the last 3 years? Seeing you sleep so soundly on my chest, shared naps in the early days, watching you grow and learn so fast, finding you on top of the cathouse and wondering how on Earth you got there, your first birthday and watching you cover yourself in cupcake, watching you meet your sister for the first time, and the cuddles you give me now before bedtime.

I love that you have become such an expressive little boy and always have something to say. I love that you are so good at loving your sister, you Dada, and I.

Watching your imagination grow and seeing the amount that you learn is one of the most rewarding things a person could experience.

I love you my little boy. Happy 3rd Birthday.

To go or not to go?

2009-06-26T12:53:00.001-07:00

Today Pete tells me he is going to Boston next week...like MONDAY next week. In 3 days.

He tells me I can go too and bring the kids. The hotel is in the middle of the business district and 2 miles from the aquarium. I would LOVE to see the aquarium.

Things that make me think about staying home?

1. Ivy hates the car. We would probably make it about an hour into the trip before she freaked out.

2. During the day it would be just me with both kids (ages 1 and 3) in the city.

3. The weather. If it is rainy and gross I don't want to be trapped in a hotel room with the kids

4. My stomach. Those of you that know me know I have a very touchy stomach and travel makes it worse. The idea of being stuck in Boston with two kids halfway to the park with an icky stomach is less than ideal.

5. Cats. They do sometimes need to be fed.

Just a little rant

2009-06-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

So I love the park. I love going to the park with the kids. The kids love the park. What I dislike?

When I spend time getting my almost 3 year old to realize that throwing rocks is *not* okay only to then have another family come in about 10 minutes later and watch their 5/6 year old throw rocks up the slide. *sigh*

Of course the 3 year old doesn't quite "get" that just because the older kid is doing it doesn't mean he is magically allowed to do it too.

Yet more irritating is that this childs mother was watching and new what was going on, and was totally ignoring it, because you know, in a playground with several 3 year olds and a 1 year old (plus her own kids) throwing rocks up a slide is a totally acceptable activity (rolls eyes).

I am sure it is only the first of many things I will see this summer and while I would NEVER claim to be a super spectacular parent I really do wish people wouldn't let their kids teach my kids horrible habits.

Twilight

2009-06-18T17:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am one of *those* people that reads Twilight.

I really need to give the series props because as much as I *didn't* want to read the books because of all the hype, I gave in and read them (well still reading).

I have always loved reading, I was always the bookworm in the corner reading. In one summer while I was a teenager I read an astounding number of books (my mom turned off the TV service for the whole summer!). However in my adult life, I have always loved reading but been busy with school, kids, housework, or all of the above.

This series has really made me LOVE reading again and I find myself sitting down at nap time for the kids and reading rather than watching TV or doing something else (usually something productive needs to be done).

I am on the last book right now, Breaking Dawn. I have heard its curveball after curveball and I am anxious to see how it goes.

I love you Twilight. Thank you for bringing me back completely into the book world.

Sunshine

2009-06-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

So I have this little girl...she has her fathers Scottish skin. She burns in about 5 seconds and no matter what sunblock I put on her, no matter how often I put it on her, and no matter the SPF the child still burns.

The big problem with that? I have a 3 year old that loves to run about in the sunshine and he has my skin and doesn't burn at all (though he still gets sunscreen).

Ivy won't stay in the shade so what do I do? Aaron wants to run like a madman around the yard and Ivy wants to look like a lobster...

I love summer, and I love the sun...but geez!

A Year Ago Today (to Ivy)

2009-05-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

I will admit, I don't remember it all and I can't promise this is 100% correct, but as they say in the movies "I can't promise this is how it happened, but this is how I remember it"

I was sitting on the couch thinking (and trying not to hope) that it was time to have my little girl. I was sitting there trying not to time contractions as I had them for weeks and figured it was best to ignore them.

Around 11 I gave up and to try and sleep thinking I would wake up in the morning, again, with no baby.

Much to my surprise I gave up around 1:30am and came downstairs to try and kill more time and maybe time the contractions a bit more. Time passed and they kept coming so I hopped in the shower to try and mellow them out so I could get some sleep as I was still in serious denial that I was finally in real labor and going to meet my little girl.

After a few in the shower I realized it was time and went to wake up Dada, at that point it was about 3:00am.

I woke him up and said "Its time, you need to get up." He said "Time for what?!" I laughed and said "Time to have a baby!".

I called my midwife and told her what was going on. I have a very distinct memory of listening to her on the phone and the tone of voice she was using very obviously made it seem like she thought I wasn't really in labor, but she told me to come in anyway. Apparently I was too calm.

Dada and I woke up your brother, which was really funny because he just laid in his bed all confused and tired. Dada showered and got dressed and we got everyone in the car and headed off to the hospital. I was still feeling a little unsure that I was in labor as I wasn't in any real pain.

I got to the hospital and the midwife saw me and still was pretty sure I wasn't in labor, I was still too calm! Your brother was climbing all over me and the hospital room before Nana and Deepy Deepy came to get him. The midwife was pretty surprised to find me at about 7cm! We knew for sure you were coming! It was probably about 4:30am then when they took the monitors off and just let me do whatever it was I wanted to do.

Shortly after Nana and Deepy Deepy came to pick up your brother and I was still just relaxing and hanging out during contractions. I could still hear everything that was going on around me and the nurse joked that I looked like someone at 3cm instead of 7+. It made me feel really good, like I was doing a good job.

Shortly after that I got in the birthing tub to have some nice warm water around me and relax a bit more. It was wonderful. I was nervous I wasn't going to like it but it was heaven. They also asked me if I would be okay with a nursing student coming in and watching, apparently I was a rare sight ;). I agreed as long as if I wanted her gone for any reason she wouldn't be offended. I didn't feel like it was a likely thing to happen but I wanted to leave myself an "out" if I wanted.

I remember starting to get really sleepy between contractions. They still didn't hurt but it took a lot of energy to focus and just relax. From here I start to get really foggy. I remember being half asleep between contractions and listening to the midwife and the nurse and the student nurse and your Dada talk while I sat in the tub.

I was getting a little anxious as it was nearing 8am and I was ready to be done (which should have been my first clue it wouldn't be long!) and I asked the midwife to check again. She told me there was just a tiny bit left and if I sat on my left side that it would probably move away in a few contractions.

So I got down in the tub and moved to my left side and with the next contraction my water broke! From there it was very intense. I shouted that my water broke and the nurse run up with the monitor to check and make sure your heartbeat was still good and I *had* to push and with just a few short pushes you were born! My little girl was finally here, sitting on my chest!

You didn't pink up quite as quickly as they wanted so they brought you to the warmer and helped me get out of the tub...a lot easier than I thought it would be! They moved me to the bed to get me cleaned up and then brought you back over to me. You had pinked up great with a little bit of O2 and were happy to see me.

You started nursing almost right away and didn't want to give it up! I have a few pictures of you right after birth and they were all with you nursing! I was so glad to have gotten such a wonderful birth and thankful to you for being so good at being born, because I knew I didn't do it alone, you worked just as hard as I did.

We brought you home that evening. You were born at 8:02am and we were home by 8pm, and it felt like you had just always been there. You fit right in with your brother and Dada and I, even the cats welcomed you warmly.

I will admit, I was rather nervous about having a baby girl, I was only used to boys, but you have been such a wonderful and sweet addition to the family and I am so glad I had a little girl.

The last year has been amazing and has gone too fast, as all years do and your family and I are so glad to have you here to love and cuddle and laugh with. You have brought such a wonderful light into our lives. Your brother, Dada, and I love you so much my darling babe.

More coming

2009-05-02T14:18:00.001-07:00

I will update soon! Promise Its been busy around here lately with our move!

Attachemet Parenting

2009-03-26T18:10:00.000-07:00

So locally I don't really know any moms that practice attachment parenting and gentle discipline. Well, thats not entirely true, I do know a few that do things very similar but I guess we have never really "talked" about it. Very hard to explain I guess :)

Anyway, I was looking for somewhere online to get advice from other moms in a forum like situation where I could post a question (or they could post a question) and get advice from other gentle discipline/ AP moms, knowing that pooling of knowledge can be very helpful when trying to deal with a 2.5 year old without tearing ones hair out.

Now, I know my 2.5 year old isn't the *only* 2.5 year old that acts like he does but somedays I just don't know what to do or where to turn for advice. I ask my family and I would be told just to spank or do time out. Spanking I am for sure not okay with and time outs, while not horrible, aren't always what I feel like the best choice is. I just feel like there must be a "better way" to deal with some of the stuff he does.

Example? Ivy was 3 or 4 weeks old and in her infant carseat. I had the brilliant thought "Oh its just milk, no biggie" and took both kids in the store with no cart figuring Aaron would follow just fine. He made it as far as the milk aisle before sitting in the middle of it and refusing to move and blocking the lane for several other people. Of course with the infant carrier + infant in one hand and milk in the other I was out of arms and hands to get him up. Every fiber of my being wanted to toss the milk back on the shelf and drag him out of there by his ear.

I stopped, thought a moment about what I could do, and it hit me. "Aaron, can you help Mama get the milk to the register so we can pay for it? It is very heavy and I need your help carrying it." He thought for a second, got up, and grabbed the handle of the milk "helping" me get it to the register.

It was really a rather proud moment for me. We figured out a way to work through that situation without either of us losing our heads. It was a matter of reprogramming my thinking.

Anyway, I have gone off on a tangent here, as I often do. A few of my online friends had been talking about starting a yahoo group for other moms that wanted an attachment parenting friendly place to get advice, so, this morning, I worked out all the back end stuff and set it up!

It has been up for about 12 hours now and so far we are already at almost 50 messages. I am rather impressed and happy at how quickly the new members have jumped in and hope to keep getting new applicants and new members.

If anyone is interested http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lovinglittleones/

And in a moment...

2009-03-17T10:53:00.001-07:00

I am all grown up.

Did you ever have that "ah ha" moment when you suddenly realize you aren't a teen or a "young adult" anymore?

That hit me yesterday. In a single moment I realized that I have my two kids, my two cats, we are closing soon on a new house, and that I am going to be someones landlord. I am going to be in charge of finding us the correct tenant that will pay rent and take care of the house we are in now. I am going to have to handle the phone calls when something breaks and know how to get them fixed. I am going to have to be the one to send letters etc if rent isn't paid. Yikes!

I mean I have been a mom, a good mom, to both my kids for more than 3 years if you count the pregnancy with Aaron. And I have been a wife for about 8 months so neither of those are really that new, it just all suddenly hit at once I guess.

What is fun is in my group of friends I am the "young one" when most of the time I just feel so out of touch with other people my age group.

Anyway I digress.

So yes we now have a new house. We close on the 13th of next month and I have less than a month to pack up a 3 bedroom house with two adults and 2 kids worth of junk in it and move it to the new house. I am so excited to have some more space and a lot more area for storage but still! It will be a fun few weeks.

We have a calendar drawn up on our whiteboard and I have listed projects that need to be done between now and moving (packing up the bookshelves, the desk, extra stuff in the kids rooms, etc) so I can at least *try* to have some organization in this process.

I am excited for my new kitchen that I was drooling over from the moment I saw it.

I Remember Monday

2009-03-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

Stealing a friends Monday theme idea I am afraid.

I remember meeting Pete. I remember thinking that the world would end because of how we ended up getting together. You see, I was dating his college roommate when I met him. I can't be sure this is how it actually happened but this is at least how I remember it.

I had been dating his roommate for about 3 weeks (maybe 4?) and we went to a gathering at the guy I was dating's house. A bunch of odd things happened that night but it ended with the guy I was dating telling me I should go out with Pete and see what happened.

Both Pete and I thought he was crazy. There was *nothing* between us. However knowing he wouldn't let it drop until then, we agreed and went out for a date June 1st, 2002. It was supposed to be the night of my Junior prom but I skipped it and went out with Pete instead. I honestly can't remember what we did on that first date other than drive around a lot. I have memory flashes of a just sitting hanging out in the old Jetta driving through a section of the interstate between Waterbury and Richmond. I remember the dates after that quite clearly though.

There was much drama over the next couple of months as friends divided and took "sides" as everyone realized that Pete and I had a good time on our date and I officially broke it off with his roommate.

Now here we are, almost 7 years later. We have a house and some cars and two beautiful children. Sometimes I go back and read the emails between us over that first summer and remember all the drama and how scary and odd it was at the time. Amazing how a few years changes the view on a situation!

Seasonal Issues

2009-03-03T18:38:00.000-08:00

Yep, I am in the thick of seasonal affective disorder. For those not from the north the lack of sunlight in the winter can actually cause depression. I love it up here minus the SAD and the cold.

I keep giving thought to tanning once a week as that helped me in the past when I was having trouble but by the end of the day getting out to go tanning just isn't appealing at all even though I know it would help, it is also not cheap or good for the skin.

I have full spectrum lighting, doesn't really help much I am afraid.

Of course what doesn't help at all is that we have been cooped up so much. Were were sick most of the month of February plus Ivy still usually wants 2 naps a day but won't nap anywhere but her crib and she SCREAMS in the car and makes it near impossible to focus on driving when she screams so much.

I am a *huge* fan of extended rear-facing carseats with kids but I need to admit, I am giving thought to turning her shortly after her 1st birthday. Neither way is safe really as if she is rear facing she is screaming and I am unable to focus so we are more likely to get in an accident but if she is forward facing she is more likely to be injured if we *do* get into an accident.

So instead I end up stuck here at home. So now I am part hermit, though admittedly a slightly sad and lonely hermit. Which in turn aggravates the SAD more. Quite the circle really!

Anyway, I am looking forward to the start of spring because it means that at the very least I can go out in the yard and it means Ivy will be that much closer to one nap a day and *maybe* just *maybe* she will learn to handle the carseat.

Until then I just need to invite as many people over as possible and hope people visit us!

Trying to make changes

2009-02-28T19:03:00.001-08:00

I am a junk food junky. I admit it, I know it, I have accepted it.

Lately I have been trying very hard to change that. It is not as easy to break those habits.

I love my oreos, my fritos, my coke.

We started with small things. Not keeping cookies in the house. Not buying chips. Then buying better alternatives.

I just ate some frosted mini-wheats for a snack instead of what would have been oreos less than 2 weeks ago.

I have gotten rid of the coke and replaced it with water or heavily watered down juice. I do still have an occasional vitamin water but no more coke. If I need a caffeine pick me up I will have some regular tea. Not nearly as much caffeien and not chuck full of empty calories as my beloved coke.

Other things we have done? I have stopped buying everything pre-made and started doing a meal plan for the week. This was a huge deal for me as quick and easy is just so much nicer with children running about and climbing stairs etc. I have learned the crockpot love and am still learning how to do actual meal plans but in addition to being healthier and not as loaded with preservatives, it also has save a *ton* on our grocery bills.

Do I still have an occasional treat? Of course! Do I feel the *need* to have sweets or salt every night? I suppose I still crave it a bit but not like I used to and I am pretty sure with a little more time it will get easier. I even went to the store earlier to get a couple small things and kept myself from buying potato chips and sprite.

Yay!!!

Ahh and it begins

2009-02-24T19:47:00.000-08:00

So I will admit this, I am scared of ghosts. I know many do not believe in ghosts but I do. I have said from the very beginning to the hubby that when the time comes, he is to take care of all the ghosts and monsters in the closet and under the bed as I would likely end up more scared than the kids...

Well today I was making dinner and I heard Aaron talking in the living room and asked him what he said he said "Say hi to Uncle Joe". I said uhhh we don't have an Uncle Joe...where is he? And he says back to me... "Uncle Joe is dead." uhhhhh WHAT? The child is 2.5 I have not told him what dead is etc...but he was talking about Uncle Joe in our living room and Uncle Joe is dead. I asked him more than once where Uncle Joe was.

He hasn't said anything yet but now I am a bit freaked out by the whole thing...blah. Mean child scaring his Mama.

Growing up

2009-02-22T17:20:00.000-08:00

Both my kiddos are anyway.

It makes me both sad and excited all at once, coupled with a huge helping of PROUD.

Ivy is all over everything now. She does a real crawl and can pull up on anything. She also climbs the stairs so the better part of my day is spent dragging her from them...in theory I could gate them off but then Aaron can't get upstairs like he enjoys doing sometimes. Once in awhile he likes having chill time to himself up in his room. She says "cat cat", "Dada", and "brother" now and is *finally* starting to drink out of a sippy cup a bit!

Aaron is using real sentences now. The little boy that I *swore* would never talk like 6 months ago never, ever, ever stops talking now! He knows his letters, shapes, numbers, colors, animals, etc. He has also figured out how to memorize his favorite books so he "reads" them to me.

He is totally potty trained now too. That was made obvious today when he went on the potty (not just pee!) all on his own without freaking out about it or anything. He has been dry for over a full month now, how crazy is that? It feels like maybe 2 or 3 days ago that we started using the potty...now its an everyday, no big deal sorta thing! He can even hold it for trips. We were about 5 or 6 miles from home the other day and he says "Go pee". And I think, uh oh...I tell him we will be home soon and to try and wait just a little bit...we get home, I let him out of the carseat and tell him to go inside, take his shoes off and he can go pee while I get baby girl out of the car....not a problem at all! He went right inside and was taking his shoes off when I got Ivy inside and he went right to his potty! I am rather impressed with his bladder control actually...

I can't believe in just a few short months she will be a full year old and he will be THREE. Where on *Earth* did THREE YEARS go?

Keeping in Shape

2009-02-18T17:14:00.000-08:00

So I have a new respect for the people on shows like Biggest Loser. I am a healthy weight and today did the 30 Day Shred work out (just level 1!) by Jillian Michaels (Biggest Loser trainer) and I thought I might die. She says at the start of the video that she has 400 pound people that can do jumping jacks and I was there, doing them, but sweating my buns off!

I did the whole 20 minute work out and I am anticipating a rather sore morning tomorrow!

I really have a huge respect now for people on those shows (and in real life of course!) that work so hard to get into shape.

That is my thought for the day.

Unsure

2009-02-17T17:25:00.000-08:00

I am unsure what to title this as I expect it to be rather disjointed, so bare with me.

I have been thinking a lot about weaning Ivy at night. The problem is it sounds like a lot of work because she prefers to settle while nursing rather than just being loved/ cuddled. The problem with nursing at night? 1. Takes away my sleep (trivial really, my job as a mom is to give up some stuff for my kids) 2. Takes away *her* sleep 3. She BITES at night. Yes, bites, OUCH!

She bites because she isn't *really* hungry she just wants comfort but she is sleepy so instead of just comforting or eating she bites down, rather hard. Of course traditional advice is to say "No" firmly and put them down...well at 3am that would start *quite* the crying/ screaming issues that aren't the best idea with the toddler sleeping too.

So what do I do? Night wean and hope it goes well or not night wean and get bitten all the time???

On other news Aaron is allergic to his suedecloth on the BG diapers and he was out of nighttime sposies so I was left trying to figure out what on EARTH I was going to use for a diaper tonight. Luckily I was able to gather a few things and hopefully it works...we will see in the morning!

We are still in the house search as well. I am leaning one way with the house choice but the hard part now is waiting for Pete to talk to the bank. Getting the loan won't be a huge issue it is just a matter of waiting until he gets his payday so he can pay off the credit cards. I am not however, the most patient person in the world so waiting is not an easy thing for me. I want to pick out paint colors for rooms and pick themes for both the kids rooms and all that fun stuff...it would be so much more fun than sitting here waiting and waiting.

House hunting: My thoughts

2009-02-14T17:27:00.001-08:00

I have decided that a process that should be exciting and wonderful is instead annoying and stressful. When we house hunted to find this place it wasn't nearly as bad though this house, somehow, I picked this one to look at really early on and Pete agreed on it as well...it was semi-miraculous.

This time we are having a slightly more difficult time as our list of needs has changed and it can be hard to find everything. Examples? 3+ bedrooms 2+ baths (in the teen years I am not sharing a bathroom with my daughter that will spend more time on her make up and hair than it takes me to make a 5 course meal)...seems easy right? Add to that a 2+ car garage and ideally a basement...okay, still with me? Now add on keeping it in our price range and ideally the same area we are in now. Yea, not so simple anymore is it?

So I drive around looking for houses, they are *everywhere* apparently everyone is selling and no one is buying...shocker! I use my mind and jot down the places and the real estate agency its listed with to look it up later...3/4 of the places I found that I wanted to look into more I can't locate online, THAT is annoying.

So then I find houses that I wanna look at. Yay! I talk to Pete and he wants to look at them too. Excellent. So I bother the real estate agent *yet again* and let her know we want to see these places and we are left to figure out when to see them. Shouldn't be a problem right? Wrong. Between Pete's work, the kids schedules, the poor real estate agent's busy life (after reading my incessant emails) AND the fact its better to see houses in daylight which there is SO little of in Vermont during the month of February, makes it rather hard to schedule things.

Then of course the FUN part happens we were stress and hmmm and haw at what to offer for a place we like and if we should really offer a price and how high/low to go and what if the seller doesn't like the price and blah blah blah...then inspections and surveys and all that crap. Then...oh man, then comes the WORST part of all! Packing up all this crap and boxing it up to move it to a new place and figure out where to put it all when we get there.

In the end will it be worth it? Most likely. I will get a real house with enough car space and hopefully a nice fenced in (or fenceable) yard where I can toss the children and the dog I will someday have...a real house I can paint and do whatever I want to with and really settle in and enjoy it and build memories in. I mean really, wouldn't it be cool if Ivy's first steps are at our new house that we spend the next 40+ years of our lives? It will be a little sad to leave this house because of the memories of Aaron growing up but those memories will come with us of course...

Now I am just rambling, I need to watch the end of Lost that I started.

Plague hits again!

2009-02-09T16:58:00.000-08:00

Yep, that's right! The plague (cold) has hit our house again. I have decided that I can't handle us being sick anymore so I went to the store today after Pete got home to pick up a few things.

I got tea, it is supposed to have high antioxidants and it is supposed to help make my T cells wanna fight. I figure it will be a good way to start the AM instead of my coffee...I get my caffeine and say hey T-cells, up and at'em.

I got Ester-C. Nothing like massive doses of vitamin C to make your body learn to fight back. I wanted zinc too but I forgot to check its safety on Kellymom before I went. Given that I am nursing I can't just toss whatever I want to into my body, I need to read about it first and make sure it won't hurt the baby.

I also got lysol and clorox hard surface anywhere spray...it says it's safe to use around pets and kids. I plan on bathing my house in those tomorrow...hopefully it kills all the evil germs that seem to be lingering in my house.

I happened across the candy aisle...as I have a tendency to do and ended up with sour gummy worms too...you know, they are medicinal of course. They are also the only thing I can actually taste.

Tonight was also an interesting change for me. I was looking through the TV listings and noticed that my show I wanted to watch was pushed back an hour for the Presidential Address. I thought to myself "Oh great, stupid Bush." Then, I realized...waiiiit a minute, it's not him anymore! So I am sitting here half listening seeing what he has to say. He looks a little angry if you ask me...maybe he needs to be angry to fix the economy...lord knows the man before him wasn't.

Thinking about summer time...

2009-02-05T13:51:00.000-08:00

Ahhh...sounds nice right?

I got a Lands End catalog in the mail the other day and was looking through it and realizing how nice it would be to have "grown up" clothes. Now that I am back to the correct size that I supposed to be (after gaining 40 @#$*# pounds during pregnancy) I think I might get a new batch of clothes for summer time.

Until now I have always shopped at Old Navy. Now, they are good "enough" I suppose but lately I have really noticed a lack of quality with them not limited to super thin shirts and with nursing that is almost obscene and holes in TWO pairs of my less-than-5-month-old jeans. I have also noticed that when I go look around in the store I find myself thinking (or saying) *Really?* People *wear* that? I dunno maybe I am just getting too old but some of that stuff is just horrible.

I found some cute t-shirts and pants through Lands End and I know they make good quality stuff because I have seen it and touched it etc.

The hardest part of my summer shopping? The bathing suit. I have always hated bathing suits but now I long for the days when I had no qualms about wearing a teenie bikini...bright orange at that. Now keep in mind, I know I am in decent "shape" in a purely shape-wise with clothes on...however I know what is *under* those clothes and its not pretty.

Between stretch marks and extra skin/pudge from pregnancy (my body seems to think it wasn't meant to gain 40 pounds in 9 months...twice over) its a bit scary to see and not something I care to flaunt at the beach.

So now I find myself looking for a tankini top and a swim skirt bottom, if you saw my thighs, which you won't (ever), you would understand why. Man does that make me feel "mom-ish". Sure you say, just take a cover up etc etc...no, not gonna happen. If I do that I simply won't swim because you won't catch me dead without that cover up on. Part of the point of going to the hot beach is to go swimming...thats more than 3/4 of the reason to go there.

Blah. I greatly dislike clothes. The only problem with the wardrobe change is that I need to go to the Sears locally and try them on and make sure I get the right size...after shopping at *only* ON for the last...oh...forever I guess, I have no idea what my actual size is in the real world.

Since my FB is acting up...

2009-02-03T13:56:00.000-08:00

Since my Facebook account is totally screwy I figured I would do this here!

1. WAS YOUR PREGNANCY PLANNED?
Not so much

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?
Nope

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
Scared to death

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU?
Not at all

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
21 when he was born

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
I was feeling pretty odd and took a test, I was rather sure I was imagining that second line...on like 10 tests

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?
My aunt actually, I was a bit in shock

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX?
Yes I *had* to know and prepare myself

9. DUE DATE?
June 20, 2006

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?
Yes but not as bad as some peoples. It only hit after about 2pm other than a little sick in the AM.

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
Poptarts....it was pretty much all I could eat for the first trimester

12.WHAT IRRITATED YOU?
That I had no idea how much work pregnancy could be!

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX?
Boy

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?
Nope! I was *Thrilled* to have a boy

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY
40

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
Yes

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW
It was supposed to be a surprise but hubby (then boyfriend) wouldn't answer the phone when my mom (or anyone) was calling so she had to tell me about it

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING PREGNANCY?
Nope, really boring run of the mill pregnancy

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?
At the hospita

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
12 hours 3 minutes

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?
Hubby

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Just hubby and the nurses

23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?
Natural

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
I had an epidural with him, never again, never again

25. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
8 pounds 4 ounces

28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN?
June 28, 2006 @ 11:03pm

30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Aaron William

Going Crazy

2009-02-02T17:26:00.001-08:00

And not in the good way I am afraid.

We have been stuck inside for too long at a time I am afraid. Ivy sleeps from 10-11/11:30 everyday...Then lunch is at 12. After we finally manage to get lunch eaten it is at least 12:30 and afternoon nap for both kids is from 1-3ish (sometimes 2-4ish for the boy). So then its 3:30/4 by the time everyone is up and awake enough to not be grouchy...and then dinner is at 5:30 so I have to start it around 4:30ish.

Then dinner is done and its family time and then bed...

That leaves little to no window to leave the house and get out and such. I try to get Aaron outside as much as I can during her naps but its hard because I can't really leave sight of the house because of the sleeping baby and there is so much snow so that means we hang out in the driveway...not exactly thrilling.

Then of course we could have people over however now there are parts of a car in the living room so anyone that isn't just a crawler...not the best of idea. I have enough trouble keeping my own 2.5 year old away from it all. Hopefully at least the car parts leave the house soon.

I just keep hoping for spring so at the very least we can go to Airport Park even for the 30 or 45 min window we MIGHT get during the day...

A little sad

2009-02-02T06:25:00.001-08:00

So to start with I want to warn people this is a little upsetting so if you are sensitive to baby issues and death I wouldn't read much further...I will put a line of stars across the bottom of the bad stuff so you can skip to that line if you prefer.

I got news last week that someone in the town I grew up in was at the hospital because she couldn't breathe however she was 6 months pregnant. I didn't really know her anymore than knowing who she was in town (and in a town with only 1,200 people its hard not to at least know who most people are). However I got word that the doctors had decided to deliver her baby at only 6 months of gestation to save the moms life. Unfortunately the baby didn't live very long as a result of complications of a severely premature delivery.

This saddens me more than I can really explain. No, I didn't really know the mom very well but the loss of a baby so close to home is still very upsetting to me. It makes me feel very lucky to have two wonderful little kids that while a bit crazy are happy and healthy little ones.

**************** ***************************** ************************ ***************

On other news we are still using the potty here! He does well enough now that I don't need to remind him to use the potty anymore, he tells me when its time and he can get his own underpants/ pants off and back up when he is done. This is very helpful as now if he has to pee while I am nursing Ivy I don't need to either stop feeding her or risk him peeing all over the place.

I am also about thisclose to hiding a certain book that he *loves*. I am not joking when I say that *I* have read this book to him upwards of 20 times a day and when I am not reading it to him, he is reading it because he now has it memorized completely. Its a perfectly good book and he enjoys it but there are only so many times I can hear/ say "Somethings dripping. What is it? The FAUCET is dripping."

Cloth Diapers

2009-01-29T18:09:00.000-08:00

So I have cloth diapered for 2 years now. I started when my son was about 8 months old and I have never turned back. Now with him potty trained and my daughter in cloth I get to keep going with my cloth diapering! Yay!

For anyone looking for more info on cloth diapers let me know! I am more than happy to answer questions. It is really very easy and takes almost no extra time from your day and there is no dealing with the 8 trash cans at the curb on garbage day.

When I started out I used Diaperswappers It was such a helpful place to go and learn about cloth and how to wash and what diapers to get and everything. So many people on there helped me out as I was learning all the jargon and learning what PUL was and what a GM, and FB, and BG AIO OS was all about! It was like a new language!

Snow, Social Stuff, and Sleep Deprivation

2009-01-28T19:04:00.001-08:00

That's pretty much been my last 36 hours or so.

I have discovered that when the last two combine it can be all kinds of interesting. For me if I am sleep deprived and in a social setting it is almost like being drunk. I don't say what I mean to say and what I mean to say comes out totally wrong and when I think about it later I am left feeling like a dope. Of course there is no good way to apologize either because 1. I don't exactly remember what I said and 2. There is no good way to bring it up again.

Also last night, Ivy decided she was anti-sleep so I have been up since 3am. It is a very good thing that I don't have any social setting things tonight or I would be in even bigger trouble. Poor babe was running a 101.7 degree fever this morning :(

Today was also a snow day. Lots of snow, maybe 8-10 inches so far. Tomorrow I am taking the toddler out and throwing him in a snowbank so he can burn off some energy. Ideally the babe will be feeling better and she can come play too but otherwise I will have to take him out when she is napping. Also learned, yet again, that the red car is not so good in the snow as I could barely make it out of the driveway so that the plow guys could plow. That car is really rather worthless in the snow.

Anyway I am off to bed hoping for some sleep tonight. Between me having the stomach bug the other day and Ivy not sleeping I am just a mess. Night all!

And its a Saturday

2009-01-24T19:16:00.000-08:00

For once a decent mellow-ish one too.

Aaron is still doing great with the potty training. He has learned that he gets a diaper for nap and he seems to think that would be the easiest time to poop, at least I know when to expect it. I hear that's one of the things that takes the longest with boys anyhow and its totally not a huge deal, I am just super proud that he *likes* his underpants and prefers to pee in the potty.

I have also discovered that while 19 diapers is pushing on boarder line with two in diapers, 19 is far too many with just the one using them. She only goes through 4 a day plus her disposable at night so I can go 3 days without washing and still have almost enough for 2 days...

I am on the search for a good piece of ribbon and a neat thing to put at the top of it to make Ivy a holder for her hair clips. I got her some super cute ones from Etsy that work wonderfully on her baby hair and keeps her bangs out of her eyes.

On a nursing note, I am getting that "antsy" feeling I remember from about this stage with Aaron. That part of me that wants to go out and count how much frozen milk I have to know when I can start putting that in a cup for her to get her used to a cup and get her weaned, is coming out. Now I know I don't want to wean her. One reason is she is only 8 months old, she is going to at least 12 months, another reason is because I did miss it when I weaned Aaron. I mean, it was nice to not have to worry about the thrush anymore but I missed the cuddle time, as it turns out he isn't much of a cuddler anyway so that was really close time for us. I am sure we will keep going for awhile as I get the idea she likes nursing a lot more than he ever cared for it, for him it was just food, plain and simple, for her it is more about cuddle time and being comforted.

She however is also doing amazingly with solids. She barely touches any baby food and would much rather have some cooked up veggies or fresh apple to munch on. It amazes me how different the two kids are because Aaron would rather have eaten babyfood until he was about 18 months and had some pretty bad texture issues once we got to table food but she just chows down like she has been doing it forever and she has yet to actually pop a tooth through.

Oh and today was every mom of a toddlers dream, the 2.5 year old was *begging* for some of his sisters vegetables. I was feeding her carrots/green beans/ peas and he just kept saying "Vegetables please" over and over and as soon as I gave him some, he wanted more!

My children are just too sensitive

2009-01-23T18:44:00.001-08:00

To sound that is.

I knew this for awhile. Aaron really dislikes when other children are crying. He gets all sad and pouty.

Today Ivy saw a little babe the same age as she is, however this babe has learned that its fun to shout like Aaron used to do. Ivy didn't like this, she didn't like that one bit. I find it slightly amusing though because she gets that little pout face before she cries and of course she recovers quickly.

The other fun thing that happens at home? Aaron will shout because he likes to shout, Ivy will start to cry because he shouted, then Aaron will start to cry because Ivy is crying, and she will cry even harder because Aaron started to cry instead of shout...and it downward spirals! There is really nothing one can do but try and console one of them and hope the other catches on, and laugh, because its laugh or cry, and adding more cry to the equation will not work well.

On another note, we are on day THREE of Aaron using the potty. He had a pull up for going out earlier and he didn't pee in it! He had a diaper for nap time, and I fully expect him to stay in those for nap for a little while but STILL! Pretty impressive and I am admitting that I am a little bit excited about the prospect of only *1* in diapers instead of two.

Potty Learning and Beyond

2009-01-21T08:27:00.000-08:00

So I wasn't really aware how fun it would be to try and teach a 2.5 year old about the potty while having a teething, grouchy, 8 month old (8 months old today!). I was trying round 2 of putting her down for her nap (round 1 failed, as did 2 and 3...) and I came downstairs to find a boy in wet pants and wet underpants but a potty with a bunch of pee in it, hehe. He tried *so* hard on his own but the pants foiled him. We are just going to put babylegs on him for the rest of today I think and see if that helps in case there is another time that I am unavailable and he needs to go. I do remind him every 30 or so minutes and ask him if he has to pee...so far so good. He is, admittedly, working towards a reward. I got him a stegosaurus sticker from the pedi office during Ivy's visit on Monday and if he can go in the potty until nap time (only 20 minutes or so away from now) he can have the sticker...right now its on the fridge.

I also have a teething, grouchy baby that I mentioned above. She has a fever too so it might be sick or it might be from vaccines or it might just be the teething. She also won't nap or sleep unless she is right next to me which means I have gotten little to no sleep lately, not the best ever.

What else important is going on? Ivy's appt Monday went okay. She is up to 18.5 pounds and 28.5 inches, tall and lean like her brother and father. They did end up messing up my shot schedule stuff though because Hib is no longer available on its own, only in combo with DTaP and Polio now...so I had to get her the polio vaccine now instead of waiting like I had wanted. I had to because Hib is important to me...if they would just get the vaccine for DTaP, Hib, and Prevnar together like they have in Canada we would be all set...

Anyway, off to find myself lunch though I have no idea what I am going to eat...nothing sounds good.

Updates and such

2009-01-12T05:46:00.000-08:00

My little girl is rapidly approaching 8 months old. She loves her food too, she will even eat table food now. For me that is very odd because Aaron never liked table food much until he was about 18 months old, until then he would rather eat babyfood. So far Ivy eats cheerios, those horrible little puff things she likes so much, peas, green beans, apple, and banana all cut up into tiny pieces.

The boy and I also have a head cold. First one of the year for the both of us. Sore throats and stuffy and coughs...I have a headache, he probably does too. I am hoping the girl doesn't get it because if she does it not only stinks for her it also means the playdate this week would be off because I don't want anyone catching it from us. I like my adult interaction so I am hoping we are all better before then!

I am also really glad I am taking this semester off. I would have to start class tonight if I hadn't taken the semester off...so very not ready for that yet and so very glad I am waiting. I really needed a break.

Seems as though there should be something else important to say but I have no idea what it is...so I guess thats its for now!

A little Reminiscing

2009-01-05T18:55:00.000-08:00

So I was talking with a friend of mine about labor and birth and was brought back to the day I went into labor with my daughter. I was rather anxious about it because I had been wandering about halfway dilated for about 5 days and I was a little bit terrified that I would have a super fast labor like a certain friend of mine...

I was also a little nervous because my MILs birthday was the 2 days before my due date and my cousins birthday was the day I was due, as much as I enjoy the company of those two people I really wanted my girl to have her "own" birthday.

On the 20th we were supposed to all go to MILs birthday party at their house. It wasn't very far away, only like 15 minutes by car but I had been having mild contractions all day and while that was super normal for me at the end of pregnancy these felt a little different. I called my husband and told him that maybe I shouldn't drive myself and our son to the ILs house because I thought I might be in labor.

Of course being him he said "Pfffft you will be fine!"

So I drive there and was totally noticing the contractions. They didn't really hurt but there were for sure there and they weren't the normal braxton hicks I had been having. At one point during dinner I told MIL that they might be getting a call that night to watch our son. She had a similar reaction to my hubby and sort of blew it off.

Well, lo and behold, by 1:30 I have given up trying to sleep because the contractions were annoying me too much. Then by 3:30 I woke up my hubby and told him it was time to go. I don't remember his exact words other than "Are you sure? Nahhh can't be". Yes, I am sure, get your rear outta bed. I woke him a little earlier than I would have because I knew he would want to take a shower etc first.

When we woke our son up and started packing he stared at us while laying in bed wondering what on EARTH was going on. It was really pretty funny to see him try and figure out what we were doing in his room in the middle of the night.

Needless to say when we got to the hospital I was already at 7cm and I told hubby to go call the ILs to come pick up the boy. While we waited I hung out with him and cuddle him through contractions while the nurse looked at me like I was nuts sitting there so calm and fine at 7cm...she told me I acted as though I was at 2cm.

Long story short(er) my little girl was born about 12 hours after hubby said "Pffft you will be fine!".

And its a New Year...

2009-01-02T17:59:00.000-08:00

Every night I come downstairs from putting the children to bed and think "Gee I need to write today." Then by the time I sit down I realize I can't even string two words together, much less write whole sentences, so I don't try.

Right now we are in an interesting time with the boy. I am at a bit of a loss of what to do with him actually. He is 2.5 and he is acting it, very much so. Anything I ask him is "No". I give him a choice of things and still, "No." He did several fit filled things at the grocery store yesterday and it took all the will power in me not to drop the stuff I had gotten and drag him by his ears to the car.

I am sure he is tired of being cooped up in the house. I am too. Trouble being Ivy naps at a bad time and she *has* to nap in the crib, as I discovered the hard way on the way to pick up an Rx today...screamed for an hour solid because it was nap time and she didn't want to nap in the car. I have tried bringing him outside while she naps but that is hard because it has been *so* cold out, like 0 degrees and windy and that isn't ideal "get outside" weather.

We have crayons and play doh and other indoor fun things to do but he gets bored so quickly that its nearly impossible to keep him entertained. I am at at bit of a loss of what to do with him really.

Of course the general lack of sleep here doesn't help my mood or my ability to handle a 2 year old (or a whining, teething baby for that matter). Ivy and Aaron have both been up a lot lately at night and its starting to wear on me and my patience.

On the plus side, in case anyone didn't notice, it is lighter later now. Today was 54 seconds longer than yesterday and tomorrow will be a full minute longer than today. It doesn't seem like much until you realize that in a weeks time you get 7 more minutes (or more) of sunlight that wasn't there before.

Christmas is over

2008-12-28T04:55:00.000-08:00

Whoohoo!

I admit, I have never been a huge Christmas fan. This year I was slightly more excited for the kids sake and Aaron totally got the idea of presents this year so it was nice to see him so excited.

I finally got Ivy some two piece PJs. One pieces don't work for her because either the torso section is too short or the legs are WAY too long and she ends up tangled. Silly child and her super long torso! So I used a pair of two piecers last night and it went much better. I am excited for that because the other options all looked so uncomfy. However finding two piece PJs wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, I ended up finding them at Carters outlet, $20 PJs for $4.79 each!

Last night we also figured out the best cloth diaper solution for Aaron overnight. Finally. I was getting so tired of spending $45 every 40 days for the kids diapers for overnight, doesn't sound like much but it is still really annoying. We used a BG AIO 3.0 (new) and stuffed it with a leobaby mightier nighty insert. It was SOAKED this morning but HE was dry and the diaper didn't leak at all. Very exciting.

I can't think of anything else even semi-important that happened...pretty boring in general around here!

Hope everyone had a good Christmas!

The pedi is going to think...

2008-12-23T11:52:00.000-08:00

That I am dodging them!

Last time we had an appointment it was SUPER cold (10 to 15 below zero) and Aaron was sick so I had to cancel.

Today, it is Zero degrees, I put the carseats in the car gather up the children, drive away...and make it 1.5 miles before the car DIES. Just driving along and chug chug die...crap.

I try a few times to restart the car, it wants to, but won't. Pull out the cell phone, call Pete...uhhh hi, we are dead beside the road, wanna help?

So he leaves from work and I try to start the car again. Yay! It starts. Okay good, maybe I can nurse it back the 1.5 miles to home. Start to turn around, sputter, sputter...kaput. Dead. With the whole hind end of the car in the middle of the road and both kids in the backseat.

Lovely. I get out and assess the situation. We are taking up the entire right lane of the road and the roads themselves are still covered in snow and a bit slick. I try and push it more off the road. Its not budging..not a chance. Between the thick snow on the road and the hard tires from the cold...not.a.chance.

So I look around and notice a garage that is open and a brushed off jeep in the driveway and go begrudgingly and ring the doorbell. An older gentleman answers the door and I explain myself..."Hi, my car died in the middle of the road and I was wondering if you might be able to help me get it off the road a little more. There are two kids in it. My husband is on his way."

He thinks for a minute and says he would rather not push it but that maybe his jeep can help push it off the road a little more. Okay, cool, that works, fine. He gets his jeep up and we make sure the bumper of the jeep doesn't obliterate the bumper of my Subaru and we get it enough off the road that its not blocking the whole lane.

I thank him and he asks how long until my husband gets there. I tell him probably 5 or 10 minutes because he only works downtown, so he invites the kids and I inside to sit in the livingroom and stay warm while we wait.

Husband shows up, starts the car, he gets it another half mile before the stupid thing dies...again. So I pack up the kids in the running car that the husband brought and we drive the last mile back home. I get the kids out and feed them etc and hubby grabs the book to fix the car...and leaves to go try and fix the car.

He has since returned twice for a few other things and I am guessing made a trip or two to the car part store. I am still not sure what is wrong with it other than something to do with the car not getting gas, even though it has half a tank.

The whole ordeal started at 12:20 with my car dying and it is currently 5 after 3pm. Car still isn't home an hubby is still working on it.

In the midst of all this I had to call the pedi to tell them we weren't making it to our appointment, again, because my car died.

*Sigh*

Did you notice? (and other randomness)

2008-12-22T18:04:00.000-08:00

Yea, probably not. I did though. Today was 4 seconds longer than yesterday, a whole 4 seconds more of sunlight today than yesterday.

My little girl can scoot now. 7 months old already and I can't believe it. I was thinking about her pregnancy and birth today and it was just perfect. I am still in awe that I got to have such a wonderful waterbirth and that I got to let my baby girl decide when her birthday was.

I feel sort of like I short changed my little man though. I had no idea what I had "signed up" for when I was pregnant with him. No one warned me of the heartburn and the aches and the lack of sleep and all that with his pregnancy and I wasn't even slightly prepared for them. With Ivy I knew what to expect and how to deal with it so it was generally much easier. I also didn't know a lot of things with him that I did with her.

I sort of feel like maybe I sabotaged our chance to bond or something. He is a very independent child, always has been, from the day he came home he would rather be on the floor alone playing rather than playing with me. Even now at 2.5 he will go upstairs by himself to play alone.

When he does finally cuddle or sit and read with me it is wonderful and he is so sweet and lovey. Maybe he is just like his Dada, I am not sure.

Tomorrow is Ivy's 6 month (7 months) doctors appointment. I will get to see how much she weighs which will be fun. Poor babe has to get her second batch of shots though. Even though I am selectively vaxing her, she still has to get 3 separate shots because the vaccine I really wanted isn't available locally. She gets the Hib, Prevnar, and DTaP. I am hoping that she does as well with this round as the last round because it is so close to Christmas and a sad baby with a fever etc is not how I want to mark her first Christmas or our first Christmas as a family of 4.

I am also hoping tomorrow is sunny. If it is the kids and I will be playing in Aaron's room all day because it is the room that gets the most sun. I can handle the cold and I can handle the snow that winter brings, the sheer lack of sun is what gets to me.

Clogs, Free Stuff, and Snow

2008-12-20T16:11:00.000-08:00

Yep, that was pretty much my day.

Got myself a killer clog this morning. Around noon I noticed that it was getting *Really* sore and I was getting the tell-tale headache body aches and chills that I get before an onset of mastitis. Ewwwww.

So I pop a tylenol and inform Ivy that she is getting no solids today in hopes that she would nurse more frequently and help pass the clog. So far so good but it is still really sore. I am going to do a really hot shower later and massage too. When I have a clog is probably the only time I ever *hope* Ivy will wake up several times at night to eat.

On another note, I had a bunch of free stuff up on CL today. Stuff that needs to go away. I got several responses of people that wanted it, several that I emailed back never emailed ME back to say they wanted it, then the ones that did, several didn't actually even show up to pick up FREE stuff. Good free stuff even. It is so fun when that happens.

And the snow storm, the one we were supposed to get 2-4 inches? We got 9 inches and now word is by Monday afternoon we will have another 9-13 inches. I am not a snow person, really I am in the wrong state but we are sorta stuck here for now, someday, someday.

Today

2008-12-19T19:09:00.000-08:00

So we got more snow today. 2-4 predicted inches turned into 6-12 inches predicted with 7 already on the ground by about 8pm. Gotta love that. Latest word is another 6-12+ storm on Sunday, we will see how much we actually get.

Aaron also had quite the language explosion today. I was making Ivy her dinner in the kitchen and Aaron comes wandering in, looks at me, and as if he has been saying it forever says "Aaron is very hungry too". HAHA! Where on Earth did that come from?!

Tonight was also night 2 of teaching Ivy not to nurse to sleep and it went MUCH better. It took her an hour of rocking and swaying and such last night to get her to sleep. Tonight it only took 10-15 minutes. HUGE improvement. Plus she actually opened her mouth and was *excited* to get the bottle instead of just gnawing on it like last night. Once we get through the regular transition I am going to start sending Pete in to put her to bed once in awhile and see how she does.

Teaching to sleep

2008-12-18T16:51:00.000-08:00

Tonight was night 1 of teaching the baby to go to sleep without nursing herself to sleep. I figured if I wanted her to be able to go to sleep for Pete by the time I go back to class on the 12th then I had better start now.

So I thawed a bag of mama milk, put it in the bottle and started the process. It took her a good 25 mins to decide to eat the bottle, once she figured out she wasn't going to get to nurse right then.

Once she had finished the bottle I swayed with her, and swayed with her, and swayed with her...you getting the idea here? The whole process took about an hour to get her to sleep and then I had to come downstairs and pump.

Ideal? No, not at all but it sorta has to be done.

I am in high hopes that within a few days she will figure it out and not take so long to go to sleep.

She still gets to nurse overnight and during the day, just a bottle of mama milk at bedtime.

Mama Cloth

2008-12-18T09:05:00.001-08:00

So before I start let me warn you this may not be for all readers and is all about feminine hygiene products.

Ok, disclaimer out of the way women know that the monthly cycle is a needed evil. After I got into cloth diapering I found a website for other moms that cloth diapered. One post there talked about mama cloth, reusable cloth pads to use during your monthly cycle.

Now I admit, when I first heard about it, *EWW* was my first thought. I was curious though and after an unfortunate event with a disposable pad and the adhesive I decided to give it a go. I found a WAHM (work at home mom) that made them and had great reviews, placed an order, and hoped.

I had heard stories that using mama cloth would help lessen cramps and flow, I had heard of women that had heavy 7 day cycles that shortened to 3 days and were very light just from switching to mama cloth, the theory being that keeping the absorbant chemicals away from their body kept them from aggrivating the body. I had heard that women often forgot they were wearing a pad because it felt just like normal panties (you get get them topped in fleece, flannel, bamboo velour, cotton velour, athletic wicking material, etc).

Imagine my surprise when I first used them and found it to all be true! I only had a few cycles between Aaron and my pregnancy with Ivy but I was sold on mama cloth in those few cycles.

They are easy to use, easy to wash, easy to take care of. I can even wash them right with the cloth diapers.

Here is my new order that I had made for me by the same WAHM that made the first set. I wanted some fleece topped ones because I didn't know when I ordered my first batch that fleece was even an option and it is very good at wicking away the moisture.

You have to admit, they sure are a lot prettier to look at!!

How did they get their liscence?

2008-12-16T17:12:00.000-08:00

No, seriously?!

Every time I drive I end up thinking this for one reason or another. Today it was on my way to and from class. On my way home from class I was following a car that was going 25mph down a 30mph road. Okay, whatever, annoying since the road was totally clear not raining or snowing or anything, but whatever. Then we get to the section of road that is 35 mph...they start going FIFTY mph, not joking, I was going 5 over the speed limit and they left me in the dust. Why is it that when you want the cops to be around they aren't?

On the way two and from class I found a whole mess of people that don't understand 4 way intersections. I am pretty sure no one in this city understands that if you get there first, you go first. To me not a very hard concept but apparently for many of these people it just hasn't sunken through yet.

The kicker? The best one of the night?

On the way to class I was behind a huge line of cars. We were going 35 mph. Yes it was dark but there was no snow, no rain, no ice, nothing, just dark. The speed limit on the road is 50 mph and traveled by most people at 55-60mph without a problem. I try and get a look at the offending vehicle, old school Volvo with Deadhead stickers on it...see where I am going? I bet you do.

So we get to the end of the road and I am in a different lane than the slow car and we end up at a stop light together. The guy pulls out a big FAT joint and lights it up. Now I am not going to bash anyone's recreational fun as long as they are adults and not endangering anyone else...but really, is it 100% needed to toke up in the car? I think not. No wonder he was driving so slowly.

Who knows what will be next! I am sure as the snow starts flying more regularly I will see all KINDS of fun stuff out there. I actually miss being downtown and being able to watch people try and drive up the big hills there, it always was very entertaining.

Books are on the way!

2008-12-15T11:38:00.001-08:00

I like to buy books. I really do. I am not a library person, though I know its cheaper, its just not my thing. I like to not worry about what happens to my books and with library books + toddler + infant I would worry, a lot.

I had been wanting a copy of the Bible to read as I have never actually read it and figured it might be interesting. Plus it can be hard to have religious debates if I have no idea what the book actually says. So I ordered the King James version as I wanted the one closest to the original translation rather than another one that translates it how they think it should be and takes out all the fun of interpreting it. If I could read hebrew or greek I would have gotten that version but alas, I know french and english, and thats it.

I figured while I was at it I might as well get Amazons "free super saver shipping" so I ordered a few more.

Eat, Pray, Love (for my moms night out group book club)

Twilight ( the new trendy Vampire book)

The Husband (Dean Koontz, one of the first adult horror writers I ever read)

Before You Know Kindness (by a local author that has written a lot of wonderful books that I love)

Right now I am reading The Long Walk by Stephen King (as Richard Bachman) and it is very good. I am very curious as to how it ends and read about 20-30 pages every night before bed. I have always read horror books right before bed, they are very good at taking my mind completely off things that might have happened during the day and leaving it clear so I can sleep at night. Seems very strange to some people that I can read such things and then sleep but they are really the only kind of book that fully takes my attension off the day or whatever I might have been thinking about and refocuses it so I can sleep.

What are YOU reading?

Random thoughts of the day

2008-12-14T13:47:00.000-08:00

We are watching Whale Wars right now (well when I started this post about 4 hours ago). The Captain of the ship wanted to send two people from the "save the whales" group to be taken "hostage" on the whaling ship. Then he got all SURPRISED when the whaling ship people were treating them badly. THEN they called the media and only told them half the story (that the people were being held hostage, not that they were SENT there on PURPOSE for that). The whole made me very angry. I greatly dislike when people only tell half truths to get what they want.

On a lighter note my son was confused by Ivy's doll the other night. He wanted to change her diaper so I got out the proper cloth diaper items for a doll smaller than a newborn and took off her "old diaper". Well imagine my surprise when Aaron grabs the diaperless doll and inspected her...and turned to me and said "Where's winky?"

We had our first talk about how Nora (Ivy's doll) doesn't have a winky because Nora is a girl. Isn't 2.5 too young to figure this stuff out?! I am not ready for the plethora of questions that come after this! And the inevitable talk that it isn't really a "winky". *Sigh* They grow so fast!

My thoughts on thrush

2008-12-13T16:37:00.001-08:00

1. It is evil
2. I don't like it
3. It is evil, oh wait, did I say that already? Yes I suppose I did.

Fun things about thrush?
1. It gets worse before it gets better for some people (I am one of those people).
2. You can have NO signs of it then all of a sudden it feels like your breast is on fire while you feed your kiddo.
3. You can have no signs of it at ALL except lots of clogged ducts.
4. You have to treat you AND the baby at the same time until all signs of it are gone completely. See #2 and #3.
5. Getting rid of it can be VERY hard if you have a baby that puts *Everything* in their mouths.
6. One of the treatments for it require turning everything purple. Nothing is better than being in Walmart and someone thinking you fed your 4 month old a grape lollipop.
7. As it starts to die off you can get some pretty fun side effects if it has invaded the whole body including but not limited to stomach upset and headache.
8. You can't stop treatment until all symptoms are gone for TWO WEEKS, again see #2 and #3.

This concludes my current thoughts on thrush.

Well I didn't fall off the wagon...

2008-12-11T17:40:00.000-08:00

Cause I never got on it *blush*.

I woke up at one of the 10 feedings Ivy had last night and had a clog, a painful evil clog so I used today to rest and relax and take care of the clog and will just have to start tomorrow. If I started today then the yeast would end up flaring more and the clog wouldn't be able to pass. Yeast is such a finicky little thing!

In other news we are expecting up to a foot of snow by tomorrow. Which means in reality we will probably get about 4 inches. Should be a blast. I will have to get pictures of the kids in it tomorrow and post them up for everyone (well, whomever is reading my blog I suppose).

I am hoping someday Ivy will sleep again, the 6 month growth spurt + teething is killer. Someday I will sleep I am sure but at this point it is looking to be awhile I am afraid!

Okay, here goes...

2008-12-10T17:51:00.000-08:00

So I can't wait until the new year to do the yeast free thing. Blarg! My body is screaming at me to get rid of the yeast so I have to start it now. I am going to need some serious support. No fruit snacks, no twizzlers, no cookies (specially the evil, evil oreos), no juice, no smartwater, no ice cream...all those things I love to eat and snack on.

In the long run I will be better, I know. Plus it will likely help my wasteline too because heaven knows oreos are not good to it.

Things I *can* have are HERE. In addition to those things I am also adding those allowances I made before:

1. One cherry coke a day (42 grams of sugar)
2. One Kashi bar (35 grams of sugar)
3. One tsp of sugar in my morning coffee (4 grams of sugar)

It is going to be a really rough few weeks. I am going to be taking my 250mgs of GSE 3 times a day with probiotics in the AM.

Tomorrows meal plan:
Breakfast: Oatmeal + tea
Lunch: Quisadilla on corn tortillas
Snack: Kashi Bar
Dinner: Rice with spicey PB sauce
After dinner snack (if needed) handful of nuts

I am also going to try to get 60oz of water (in addition to the herbal tea) in me to keep everything flushing through.

Also, does *anyone* know of any yeast free/ wheat free crackers/ breads? I know, its a long shot, but being able to have a grilled cheese or a PB sandwhich for lunch would make the worldo of difference as well as having crackers I can snack on if I need to.

I need some AP support

2008-12-08T13:09:00.000-08:00

So after a second rejection by a great AP support board I have given up. I know, they are busy etc and there are lots of people but I am a little sad. Lots of people I know are part of that group and they are a great help for me as I try and figure out how to parent my children gently without loosing my cool. With a 2.5 year old that has discovered "no" and a 6 month old that currently doesn't believe in sleep it can be hard!

Whats hard is there really isn't any support for that locally. I thought there would be given the area I live in but apparently not. I don't even know how to go about finding people that parent the way I want to. Now where the problem really lies is that I don't always manage to parent AP the way I would like so I feel like I would be a bad example for people new to the idea.

So far I haven't had to drag my child screaming out of anywhere but with how he is currently we might be getting close if I don't figure out what to do. I would read parenting books but with school work to read I don't have a lot of time for that I am afraid. I wish I did.

Does anyone know of any good AP groups that I could get in touch with? Whether it be other yahoo groups or whatever? It is just very hard to do this alone right now with a toddler that has suddenly decided he doesn't agree with anything Mama says and seems as though he wants to be as difficult as possible.

Oh and the 6 month appt for Ivy was a no go. The toddler had melted down about 5 times between 8am and 10am so I canceled the appointment and rescheduled it for later in December when I can have Pete or someone here to watch him so I can go with just her. He needed a nap far too much to skip nap to go to the Drs and possibly spend an hour there before the Dr even saw us.

Uh?

2008-12-08T05:10:00.001-08:00

It is currently -1 outside. In Fahrenheit. Wednesday is supposed to get to 52...And I wonder why my sinuses and body are all confused...

Ivy has her 6.5 month appt today. I will be back later with the update and stats on that as well as my take on vaccines. Whoohoo, should be fun right? Right?

Off to eat breakfast and play with the kidlets.

Need to be held accountable!

2008-12-07T14:19:00.001-08:00

Anyone up for the job?

I am prepping for this now. I need to rid my body of yeast and that means going 3 weeks on a very limited diet. I am planning on using this diet . It is a little more lax than some but I need it because I can't currently eat meat due to some adrenal insufficiency and I need to get my protein somehow. That diet allows for cheese/ milk in at least some quantities.

There are 3 things I am allowing myself a day though that go against the diet.

1. My daily coke. I need this in the afternoon if I intend on making it the rest of the day a sane person.

2. 1 Tsp of sugar in my herbal tea that I have in the afternoons/ evenings to help stave off the sugar craving.

3. 1 Kashi go Lean bar for protein, fiber, and to help with the sugar cravings as well.

Are these things the best ever to keep in my diet? Nope, they aren't that healthy at all, however they are more healthy than many of the alternatives that I would like to eat.

I am planning on starting this diet after Christmas because I simply can not forgo the yummy Christmas treats. Peanutbutter balls, and pies, and chocolate, and my personal favorite, candy canes!

One thing I really need to work on is my water intake. It always starts to fall off during the winter months as it gets cold and cold water no longer sounds appealing, yet another reason for the addition of tea, warm and liquid.

I plan on taking 250mgs of GSE 2 or 3 times a day as well as probiotics and my prenatals during this diet time. I need to also figure out what to treat the baby with. Maybe I will start a round of GV too at the start of all this. All of this together is likely to create a horrible flair with the yeast which will create a few rough days for me so I will need people to help keep me strong and help keep me away from the sweets when I want nothing more than a box of oreos, my true weakness.

What do you think? Are you up for the job of keeping me accountable for my actions? Could I do it on my own? Probably. Would it be easier with support? You betcha.

Suggest Blogs...

2008-12-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

I have a few that I read but mostly just friends. What blogs do you recommend? I am into reading, breastfeeding, animals, health, stay at home mom's, AP stuff, food ideas, cloth diapering...open to other stuff but that's what I can think of at the moment.

I was pudeo-tagged (meme)

2008-12-06T08:29:00.001-08:00

The Rules

1. Post the rules on your blog.

2. Write 7 random things about yourself.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post.

1. I hate feet. I can't stand having mine touched and I hate touching other peoples.

2. My favorite color is red.

3. I have an associates degree in Liberal Studies (aka McDs degree).

4. I am about to watch Shawshank Remption on Blu-ray.

5. I just got a bag of Aaron's old toys together to give away on freecycle.

6. I had a kashi go lean bar for lunch. It was yummy.

7. I am thisclose to getting a nostril piercing if I could find a place that doesn't charge an arm and a leg to be pierced with a stud instead of a hoop. I dislike hoops.

Afraid I don't know anyone to tag....new to the blogging world.

PS

2008-12-06T07:43:00.001-08:00

How on EARTH do I follow other blogs?! Where is the "I want to keep track of this blog" button?

Here ya go...

2008-12-06T06:57:00.001-08:00

Here you go Casey. I have had a blog for awhile, just never wrote on it and forgot about it, since February apparently.

Lets see, whats going on now, anything interesting enough to share with the internet world? Yea, probably not, but going to share anyway.

I have a 6.5 month old little girl that is currently in a growth spurt. What this translates to is her pushing and pulling while she nurses. A little less than comfortable for her to do that as my feeding devices are not made from silly putty. Yes it will help make more milk, yes she needs more milk, I think I would prefer that she just eat more often.

I also have a 2.5 year old little boy. He is currently acting like a 2.5 year old little boy. Not a huge fan of listening or sitting still for 5 seconds. I love him a whole lot though and I know it will pass eventually, just need to give it time. Soon enough he will be doing other things, like trying to push over his sister or stealing toys from her, then I will forget all about this little phase.

I am at the end of my school semester right now. Only two more weeks left and I think I might go insane. I don't even have that much to do but its enough that I just want it to be over with. Real Property Law is not so fun in particular. For some reason that stuff just doesn't sink into my thick skull and I end up with poor grades, something I am *not* used to. I am a goody goody that doesn't get bad grades.

Last night as also the first night we really successfully used cloth diapers on both children. That is very exciting as a package of overnight diapers is very expensive and they just smell terrible in the morning. I am hoping if I get a few more inserts I can avoid having to use disposables at all ever.

Anyway I must go rescue the husband from the toddler while the baby sleeps.

Hello

2008-02-22T07:27:00.000-08:00

First post. Yay.

Little about me. Mom and student in the frozen north. 20 month old toddler and one babe on the way due in May. Going to school for paralegal studies, with no end in sight so it seems. Doing my best to keep the toddler happy and entertained when going outside all the time in the winter isn't an option.

I am what you would call an AP mom I guess. Nursed until 14 months, use slings and carriers, don't use CIO, delay vaccines as we see fit, usecloth diapers ...that sorta thing.

Young mom too. Oh the looks I get when I go to the mall or the store with my belly and toddler in tow...No I am not 16, I am actually 23 and happily engaged to my boyfriend of 6 years.

Anyway, thats a little about me. There is a whiney toddler misbehaving that I should attend to.